A.      One of the most harmful blind spots is the inability of most people to see the godly path to marriage.

B.      In this lesson, we will consider the world’s model that has blinded most of our society, and then we will consider the pattern of God’s word that can save men and women from a lifetime of heartache and regret.

II.      THE MODERN MODEL

A.      In the world’s modern model for personal relationships between males and females, the first step is to begin experimenting with such relationships in childhood as soon as the first interest arises.

                                                             1.      Often little children have so-called boyfriends and girlfriends at ridiculously early ages.  Meanwhile, parents and other adults stand by foolishly and think this behavior is cute.

                                                             2.      These relationships seem to begin earlier and earlier as small children learn to imitate inappropriate behaviors seen in others in real life, on television, and in movies.

B.      As a child matures and his or her experience increases, experiments with the opposite sex are to become more advanced according to this model.

                                                             1.      The world’s model is a progression of hands-on training.  A child’s emotional and physical involvement with members of opposite sex steadily advances with age.

                                                             2.      By the time these children reach adulthood, they have prostituted themselves both physically and emotionally so that they are left jaded, corrupted, and essentially unfit for marriage.

C.      At the end of this process and after every aspect of these relationships has been experienced, then the final step is marriage.

                                                             1.      This end is the typical climax of most "romantic-comedy” movies.  Only after "sowing wild oats,” fornicating with multiple persons, and "cohabitating,” a man and a woman finally are married.

                                                             2.      The modern model has evolved to the point now that marriage is a step that often never happens.

D.      Most Christians and their families follow and teach the world’s model.

                                                             1.      Often the only difference is that Christians will be slightly more restrained.

a.       If the world’s children start dating at age fourteen, then Christians will wait until sixteen.

b.       If the world’s children form relationships without any parental involvement, then Christians will at least give parents five minutes to look them over before they leave on an unsupervised date.

c.        If the world’s children commit fornication, then Christians will only kiss – at least at first.

                                                             2.      It is no wonder that there is often little difference between the end results for children of the world and Christians.  These results are broken hearts, shattered lives, unwed pregnancies, divorces, and lost souls.

III.   THE PATTERN OF SCRIPTURE

A.      The Scriptures do not in any way teach, exemplify, or endorse the world’s model for developing personal relationships between males and females.

                                                             1.      The Bible does not teach children to begin forming intimate relationships with members of the opposite sex as soon as they are interested.  Not a word of such a thing is found in the Scriptures.

                                                             2.      The Bible does not teach young people to "play the field,” to "sow their wild oats,” or to otherwise go "looking for love” in person after person.  There is no basis in the Scriptures for young people behaving in these ways.

                                                             3.      There is nothing but condemnation in the Bible for fornication and cohabitation.  The "sample before you buy” mentality is purely sinful, hated by God, and destructive to those who live by it.

B.      The Bible teaches parents, especially fathers, to diligently prepare their children for marriage.

                                                             1.      When a boy begins to admire girls, his father must use that interest to motivate the boy to prepare for marriage.  This is not a time to encourage the boy to participate in an intimate relationship with a girl because he is not yet prepared for her.

                                                             2.      Consider how much Solomon had to say to his son concerning relationships with the opposite sex.

a.       In Proverbs, passage after passage is written to teach a son about the virtues of godly marriage, the troubles of ungodly women, and the dangers of adultery (2:16-19; 51-23; 6:20-7:27; 18:22; 19:13; 21:9; 22:14; 25:24; 27:15-16).  Presumably, Solomon began to teach his son this wisdom when he was very young (4:1-9).

b.       Solomon wrote 1,005 songs (1Ki. 4:32-33), but his "Song of Songs” was a beautiful eulogy about marriage and all that a bride and a groom do to prepare for one another.

                                                             3.      Consider Proverbs 31:10-31 and the description of the excellent wife.

a.       This is part of "the words of King Lemuel, the oracle which his mother taught him” (Prov. 31:1).  These words are the result of a mother teaching her son about women.

b.       This passage is usually studied as a lesson for women, but the purpose of it was to teach a young man how to evaluate a young woman as his potential wife.

c.        A young woman needs to be trained by her parents to do the kinds of things described in this passage so that she can be an excellent wife (compare to Tit. 2:4-5).  The foundation of this entire passage is verse 30: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.”

                                                             4.      Parents must teach their young men and women to properly prepare themselves for marriage.

a.       Let us recognize that the Bible begins and ends with marriages.

i.         The first marriage resulted in the commandment, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).

ii.        The last marriage is that of the Lamb and His bride (Rev. 21:1-3).  Before their marriage, He has already given Himself for her, and she is fully prepared and adorned for Him (Eph. 5:25-27).

b.       In the likeness of these marriages, a man is not to marry until he is prepared to leave his parents, be a man, and give provision, protection, and care for his wife.  Likewise, a woman is not to marry until she is ready to fulfill her God-given duty as his wife.

C.      The Bible teaches parents to be involved in the process that leads to the marriage of their children.

                                                             1.      In 1Corinthians 7:36-38, instructions are given to fathers concerning their unmarried daughters.

a.       These instructions were given in light of the "present distress” (v. 26) in Corinth with the general advice that it was better for Christians not to marry.  However, the present distress had no bearing on a father’s God-given obligation to oversee his daughter.

b.       It is clear from this passage that it was the father’s responsibility to keep his own daughter in his home or else to give her to a suitable man in marriage.  The decision of his daughter’s marriage was his to make.

                                                             2.      This same tradition concerning marriage is evident in many other passages of Scripture as well.

a.       In Genesis 24, we read of Abraham’s arrangement for the marriage of his son Isaac.  Abraham sent his servant to the city of Nahor where he found Rebekah.  Rather than first making an agreement with Rebekah, Abraham’s servant first dealt with her brother Laban (apparently her father was dead) and her mother (vv. 29-61).  Rebekah was then allowed to decide whether she wanted to go with Abraham’s servant (vv. 8, 57-58), but she did not make the decision without her brother’s and mother’s consent.

b.       Consider other examples that demonstrate parental involvement in marital arrangements:

i.         Ishmael’s wife was selected by his mother Hagar (Gen. 21:21).

ii.        Esau grieved his parents because he chose his own wives from the Hittites without their consent (Gen. 26:34-35).

iii.      Jacob made arrangements with Laban to marry his daughters, Rachel and Leah (Gen. 29:9-30).

iv.      Deuteronomy 22:13-30 stated the law requiring a man to deal with a woman’s father in the matter of marriage.

v.       Samson needed his parents’ involvement to take a wife from Timnah (Judg. 14:1-7).

vi.      David’s marriage to Michal was arranged by her father Saul (1Sam. 18:17-30).

                                                             3.      The Bible certainly does not require a woman to marry against her will, but it does commend parents’ involvement and consent in their children’s marriages, especially for their daughters.

IV.    CONCLUSION

A.      These Scriptural patterns have been tossed aside not because the Bible has changed but because the culture has changed over the last 100-150 years.

B.      In light of these things, is there anyone today who will "stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is” (Jer. 6:16) concerning marriage?  Can we see the light, or are we yet blind?