I. INTRODUCTION
A. One hundred years ago, only one out of thirty-three marriages ended in divorce. Today that statistic is one out of two. That equates to a great deal of pain and heartbreak as well as a provocation of God, for He hates divorce (Mal. 2:16).
B. Presently, let us emphasize the importance of making marriage right from the beginning and keeping it right until the rightful end. The better we understand what God has ordained about marriage, the better our chances are for success.
II. WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
A. For marriage to be successful, we must understand God's design for it. To define marriage, consider Genesis 2:23-24 and the Lord's commentary on this passage in Matthew 19:4-6.
1. We see that marriage is the union of one man and one woman.
2. We also see that marriage is a union that is created by God.
3. Let us make two observations based on the Lord's teachings:
a. Because the divine design for marriage is a bond between one man and one woman, no relationship involving polygamy or homosexuality conforms to God's definition.
b. Civil laws also define and recognize marriages, but these do not always conform to God's law regarding marriage. Where there is a conflict, we must respect God's law over any civil laws, for God is preeminent over men.
B. To understand how marriage should work, we must understand its purposes according to God who made it.
1. The original purpose of God in making woman was to be a companion to man (Gen. 2:18-22).
a. Let us appreciate the importance of compatibility. If marriage cannot fulfill the purpose of creating companionship for both the husband and the wife, then both will be miserable.
b. There are very few things that are sadder than a lonely marriage (Prov. 21:9, 19; 27:15).
2. God commanded the first couple to multiply (Gen. 1:28), so procreation is a purpose of marriage.
a. The purpose is not only to give birth to children, but also to raise them in a home where the marriage provides the God-centered structure for the family.
b. The husband is responsible for the raising of his children as the authority in his home (Eph. 6:4; 1Tim. 3:4, 12; Tit. 1:6).
c. A woman is instructed to love her husband and her children and to manage her home (1Tim. 5:14; Tit. 2:4). Notice that one of the good qualities of a worthy widow is to have brought up children (1Tim. 5:10).
3. Marriage is the godly way to satisfy the natural desires of the flesh (Prov. 5:15-20; 1Cor. 7:1-9). It is the only God-ordained means by which to do so.
a. Our world is teaching and approving almost everything else but marriage as a solution for these desires. Do not be influenced by the ways of the world.
b. Marriage is what gives the physical relationship between a man and a woman meaning. Otherwise is to act like the animals in defiance of the God-like image of our creation.
C. The duration of marriage is the issue that is the source of so much controversy, although the Scriptures are clear on the subject.
1. Like other laws, the law of marriage ends at death (
2. The only exception to this law is in the case of adultery (Matt. 5:31-32; 19:3-12; Mark 10:1-12). This exception is that a spouse may put away his or her spouse who commits adultery and marry another who is eligible to marry.
III. HOW SHALL MARRIAGE BE CHARACTERIZED?
A. Our society makes a joke out of marriage.
1. Common thought has marriage as a hindrance to life. Husbands are characterized as lazy, foolish, and child-like. Wives are characterized as nags who prevent their husbands from having fun.
2. This is a false characterization of marriage. A godly marriage is nothing like this.
B. The Scriptures give us the true characterization for a godly marriage.
1. Consider the model for marriage given in Ephesians 5:22-33.
a. The relationship between a husband and wife is compared to Christ and the church.
b. In this comparison, a husband relates to Christ. Thus, he has a high standard to meet.
i. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. This type of love is defined by the actions of Christ, who sacrificed Himself for the church.
ii. A husband is to care for his wife as he cares for his own flesh. The word translated "cherishes" in verse 29 indicates the same tenderness of care that a mother has for her infant (the same term is used in 1Thess. 2:7).
c. A wife is compared to the church, so she is to be completely devoted to her husband.
i. The wife is to submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ.
ii. This submission is not degrading, but rather it is an exalted position similar to that of the church, which Christ has made glorious.
d. This description gives the understanding that marriage is a relationship in which the husband and the wife seek the good of one another, placing their spouses' interests above their own.
e. Marriage will be successful to the extent that both the husband and the wife are willing to conform to the models of Christ and the church. The reason that many marriages fail is because of the failure of one or both spouses to do their parts.
2. Such godly marriages as described in the Bible should be honored by all people (Heb. 13:4). We must not allow marriage to be devalued or trivialized by a careless and godless society.
IV. APPLICATIONS
A. Knowledge is power, and knowing God's design for marriage gives us the power to have successful marriages.
B. To young people and the unmarried, choose your mate with these things in mind.
1. The best time to avoid marriage problems is before entering into a troublesome marriage.
2. The decision that one makes about his spouse can potentially make him or break him.
a. He may bless his wedding day for the rest of his life or he may curse it.
b. Consider Proverbs 12:4. A man's wife can make him feel like a king, or she can be like cancer in his bones. The same came be said for husbands.
3. Do not choose a spouse for the outward appearance only (consider Samson, Jud. 14:3; also Prov. 11:22). Many have made such a foolish choice and lived to regret it.
4. Be the kind of person that you would want to marry. Don't expect someone to do more than you.
5. Wisdom would tell one to marry a Christian.
a. The Scriptures describe good husbands and wives as being men and women who seek God first.
b. The experiences of others reflect the wisdom of choosing a Christian as a spouse.
6. Be sure that the person you choose has the right to marry.
7. Keep in mind that your choice will have a profound effect upon both your soul and the souls of your future children. This is not a choice to be taken lightly.
8. Also keep in mind that your choice is final. God does not choose your spouse for you, but He does expect you to stay with the one that you choose.
C. To the married, do all you can to make your marriage conform to God's plan for marriage.
1. If both of you are Christians, then both know that your marriage is a part of your walk with God.
a. You understand the relationship between Christ and the church. Imitate that relationship in your marriage, and you will be successful.
b. If your personal goals are to grow closer to God, you will grow closer to one another.
2. If one spouse is a Christian and the other is not, then the obligation is no different.
a. The relationship is still comparative to that of Christ and the church, but it will be more difficult with an unbelieving spouse. Nevertheless, the marriage can be successful.
b. The believing spouse is a godly influence on the unbelieving spouse. Many husbands and wives have been brought to the Lord because of the examples of their spouses.
3. If neither of you is a Christian, then consider this:
a. The best thing that you can do for your marriage is to obey the gospel together.
b. How can a husband love his wife as Christ loves the church if he does not love Christ enough to obey Him? How can a wife submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ if she will not submit to Christ?
4. Regardless of your situation, be sure that your union is a holy one. Be sure that you have the right to be married to your spouse, and then keep your marriage holy.
V. ADDENDUM: A FEW MARRIAGE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
A. Who is eligible (qualified, suitable) to marry according to God's will?
a. One who has never married is eligible to marry another eligible person.
b. One whose spouse has died is eligible to marry another eligible person.
c. One who has previously been married but put away the first spouse for the cause of adultery is eligible to marry another eligible person.
d. No one else is suitable for marriage according to God's law of marriage. For a marriage to be successful, it must be right from the beginning.
B. Are non-Christians accountable for violations of God's law of marriage?
a. The answer is yes because the law of marriage is for all people and not only Christians.
b. Consider Psalm 24:1. God rules over everyone on earth including those who are not Christians. His law of marriage has been in effect over all men since Adam and Eve.
C. Does the blood of Christ make an adulterous relationship holy when a couple obeys the gospel?
a. No. Repentance is a condition of obedience to the gospel of Christ. All unholy behaviors must end when one becomes a Christian, including adultery.
b. Obeying the gospel does not change the relationship between a man and a woman. If their relationship is adulterous before becoming Christians, then it is still adulterous afterward.
D. What if children are involved?
a. The presence of children as a result of the relationship does not change adultery into a holy union.
b. This situation is made far more difficult and complicated when children are involved. It is wrong that children should suffer because of the foolish and sinful choices of their parents. May these thoughts be a lesson and a warning to everyone to avoid such situations before painful decisions and consequences result.